I will admit, I am very late to watching this movie, but with the new Road House out, it felt appropriate to visit this classic. To be honest, I had absolutely no idea what to expect with this movie. What I was not expecting was all of the themes of every sports movie I’ve ever watched to be contained in the film. It had the same themes of a movie like “The Rookie”, the main character of a Ricky Vaughn from “Major League”, and a triumphant victory that almost any sports movie has. Now I know it’s not an actual sports movie, but in a different world, a world where bouncing is considered a sport, this is a sports movie.

            Let’s start at the beginning, we have a scene of rowdy bargoers in a fight, then we have Dalton coming out (the superstar of the team) breaking it up with just a stare. It reminded me of Brad Pitt walking into the locker room to see Jeremy Giambi dancing on a chair. That shit cuts out really quick, but the guy still gets a stab on him. If we’re seeing bouncing as a sport, getting stabbed and not flinching is a fucking homerun. He’s 1 for 1 with a 1000 slugging percentage. Takes that stab wound like a bee sting and keeps going.

Then we have the club owner, Tilghman, come straight from the airport to the club as if Dalton is a prime free agent or rookie who he just has to sign. Tilghman credits the bars success to the bouncer, a strange takeaway. I imagine the manager of the bar is somewhat pissed about this, but we must remember in the Road House world, bouncing is one of the most highly regarded professions in the world, like a professional athlete.

Tilghman begs Dalton to take the job which, he will of course, but when the jobs done, he walks. Dalton is like Kawhi Leonard with the Toronto Raptors when they won it all. He doesn’t want to stay in Toronto (Kansas City, in this case), he wants to help bring the city a ring and go home. Dalton wants to do the job and leave, like a one-year free agent for a playoff stretch. He’ll take the money and try to bring the Double Deuce to glory, in this case, profits.

I’d also like to go over the salary of a professional bouncer. Dalton has enough cars to ditch cars and buy new ones. Dalton asks Tilghman for a $5,000 dollar signing bonus with $500/night. Putting in 2 days the club is closed /week that puts him at around $130,500 for the year. Because of inflation, that’s $326,511 / year in today’s money. The average salary for a bouncer in America currently is $40,000. Those are pretty high numbers for a bouncer, but Dalton is the guy, well, #2 guy, behind Wade Gerrit, of course.

He moves down to Kansas City and gets to meet his new team. Their rough on the edges, not technically sound. We have Carrie, kind of wild, but great energy girl. Morgan (played by Terry Funk) is a hothead who can’t seem to keep his emotions in control, which affects his performance. He’s strong and has potential, raw. Jack is their big body, ready to hit someone, he’s tough. Then we have Dalton’s buddy, the blind guitarist, Cody. He feels like a point guard to me, like Jason Kidd, giving sage advice and directing the ship that is Dalton. Emmitt, the farmer, is on the bench. Wise player, but old, losing his motor a bit. A solid team with some potential to go right or wrong.

Then we get an awesome intro to the opposing team who is trying to keep the town and win the movie. Wesley comes down in a helicopter as a psych out move on Dalton, a veteran play, but Wesley has never met a guy like Dalton before. Wesley’s team seems established, bunch of players who have been kicking ass for years. Dalton’s is rough, a bit inexperienced. It’s a true David and Goliath, a Cinderalla story.

Eventually, Morgan gets angry with how Dalton is running the ship, he doesn’t like his new player/coach, wants to win now, afraid of the system. He hears Wesley is looking to build his team with talent, signs with him, but Dalton keeps going. His team gets a new look with a new bar (erected shockingly fast). The bar is popping and Wesley notices. He likes what Dalton is cooking and wants to steal him away from the franchise that’s just starting to come alive. This is a classic Evil Empire move. Yankees have been doing it for years (watch Moneyball, again), Lakers love doing it too. It takes a special talent with a huge belief in himself to reject those offers, and Dalton is that guy. He turns down Wesley’s offer and sets forth a battle amongst the two teams, essentially, the championship game.

Dalton’s team is depleted after the Morgan release and subsequent signing with Wesley’s and they need a new guy, a new team member that can finish off the season with them and will their team to the promised land. That man is Wade Gerrit. Played by Sam Elliot, this rough and rugged cowboy, has all the experience that Wesley’s team has, plus 20 years. He is the LeBron James to Dalton’s Kawhi. Wade has been the #1 guy for years and is ready to call it quits, and he wants to pass the torch to the new face of the NBA (National Bouncer Association).

Dalton is readying for this epic face off, doing oiled tae chi on his lawn, right in the face of Wesley, almost taunting him. He wants the challenge, he’s ready for whatever Wesley can throw at him, but Dalton has a past. He remembers the injuries he’s caused in the past (trachea ripping), he wants to turn over a new leaf, become a more balanced player. He thinks he can get through this battle without having to resort to his old ways.

Then we get the first bar test for Dalton when Wesley decides to stick his All-NBA player, Jimmy, on the rest of the bar crew, and let me tell ya, Jimmy can play. He whips out the pool stick and is beating the crap out of everyone, even the best to ever do it, Wade Gerrit. Dalton saves the old veteran right when the killing blow is delivered and Wesley stops the match, a win for Wesley’s. A defining win, but not the final matchup. This is simply a regular season game, they’ll meet again in the championship and there won’t be a gunshot to end it, it will go until one of them falls.

Wesley heats up the battle with a huge fire at Emmits, and we get to see the pure athleticism that Dalton possesses. He jumps from his window onto the ground and to the fire in seconds; he’s a stud. This home run of a move by Wesley sets up the final match, the championship. Jimmy shows up in his all-denim uniform, an interesting choice in a game of athleticism, but he looks good and he’s ready for the up and coming star, Dalton. They go back and forth firing shots, delivering roundhouse kicks. Dalton loses his ground, gains it back, all the while having a shot to end it, but in order to end it, he must return to who he is. The demon that got him to the top of the league in the first place. He takes his shot and rips that trachea out, a walk off home run, send the ball (in this case, a body) into the river.

Then Dalton goes on one of the greatest runs these eyes have ever seen. Think of Lebron’s 61 against the Celtics, Jordan’s 55 against the Suns in the ’93 playoffs, David Ortiz in the ALCS against the Yankees. A monumental run. In the final 30 minutes of this movie, Dalton racks up 6 kills on his way to the championship, the final moment in the movie, the over-the-hill former MVP, Wesley. Wesley shows he still has some moves with his spear throw, but Dalton is too much for him, the town is too much for him. Dalton’s final team of town’s members is a great squad and overpowers Wesley winning the championship and the town back. In the ultimate Cinderella story against the powerful Wesley squad, the little guys won.

I wish bouncing was like this in real life and broadcasted. Could you imagine a real NBA? That would be the greatest show on television. So, I’d like to take the time to thank Road House for introducing me and the whole world to this concept. If a bouncer is reading this, just know, some people out there think you are the real athletes in this world and in the world of Road House you truly are.